if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
