just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
