I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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