I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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