Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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