that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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