Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
