he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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