my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
