i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
