so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
