sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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