Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
