Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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