Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
