She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
