youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
