what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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