Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When are your genitals available?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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