i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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