i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
