Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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