So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
