He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
