Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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