my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
