This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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