She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
