Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
