I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
