Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my vag is so smooth its legendary
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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