I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
