and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
