And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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