I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize