Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
