Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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