Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
