see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
