I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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