I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
They have beer where we have blood.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize