So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
