It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize