I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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