I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
