maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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