the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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