he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
