bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
