Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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