Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
