remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
