Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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