Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize