I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
