I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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