Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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