remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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