I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
