did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize