I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
