it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize