does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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