Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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