She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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