Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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