dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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