with your own penis?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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