He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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