the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
