Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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