You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
