He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
