tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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