I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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