She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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