tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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