can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
