addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
