At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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