Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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