I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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