I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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