im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
