I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
