A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
