ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
