Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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