If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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