yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
