My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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