so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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