I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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