does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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