we're blogging at a bar
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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