So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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