They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
