so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
