ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
