if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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