How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
