If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
