My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
