I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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