It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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