her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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