So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
