My nipple is on Facebook.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
